Friday, July 25, 2014

Emotional Healing & Autism




The worse I feel inside, the more technical I want to be when writing a post. Guess that's an attempt to use intellect to cover up what is inside of my heart. 

It's easy to do because for a long time, I just didn't feel much of anything. If something positive or negative happened to me, in a day or two the feelings of that event would fade, and no matter what, I couldn't remember how I felt--about anything. 

But...I don't have this problem anymore. In fact, what's going on now is that the pain from my past is sort of in overdrive right now. 

The truth is, and I will write about this more later, when I was somewhere around a year old, my mother began to be abusive toward me. And my aunt, who was named my godmother abandoned me also despite knowing what was happening in my life. 

Some families do not have the financial means to help themselves or their children. This was not the case for me. The things that happened to me were a direct result of choice. And then if that wasn't enough, blame was heaped upon me "for having something wrong with you" as if I just thought being autistic was just such an irresistibly fabulous idea. 

The way I was treated and rejected is the force behind this blog. I was reminded of this yesterday that nothing less than perfection is acceptable in my family. But that is what is truly unacceptable. And to continue to wound people from a weak and limited point of view because we choose to not understand or to pray for Jesus to love others through us if and when we can't is equally unacceptable. 

We forgive those who trespass against us. But we learn from the trespasses themselves--we ask God for His mercy that He would transform us to be more like Him. We ask Him to help us not to wound others as we have been wounded. 

Rejection hurts. Especially when the same kind continues for 42 years. Enough is enough.

But feeling my feelings is a freedom I haven't had until now. And that is healing.

A tip when praying for the healing of emotional memory: Target the temporal lobe of the brain in your prayers. This is where emotions are recorded in the human brain. Autistic people have feelings. Those feelings just need to be accessed.

Blessings.

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