Thursday, August 26, 2010

Autism & Dreams

Dreaming...the kind people do during the day with eyes wide open, is one of my favorite subjects. I'm not sure if everyone dreams, and I'm even less sure if other autistic people dream, but I do.

I have to admit, though, that I never knew dreaming a dream and pursuing a dream are completely different in nature. How pleasant it is to sit and imagine yourself in a new home, community, job, etc. I've spent countless hours doing it.

But actually going out to find that new home, community, job, etc., is well, a little bit terrifying. I'm now in the process of finding out just how scary pursuing a dream really can be. So much is involved. There seems to be no part of my life left untouched as I continue to venture into unknown territory.

I used to think people who didn't try to fulfill their dreams or destiny, even, simply didn't want to work toward a goal. Now I know that isn't true. What none of us wants is to work toward a goal only to find out it was all in vain, or the better lives we hoped for really weren't any better than what we left behind.

So, it's not the working for a dream that's the problem. It's the waiting for things to sort of fall into place after all the prepartory work is done. Waiting can do strange things to a mind. Waiting makes monsters out of harmless shadows of doubt. Nevertheless, the light of faith can drive those monsters away, and so I will wait...and I will choose to believe that all I am hoping for will soon be my reality, and my fear of change will not only be laid to rest one day but forgotten entirely.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9