Thursday, February 3, 2011

More, Lord.

More, Lord.

I've always had trouble praying that prayer. The honest truth about it is I've been ashamed to want more. Thinking I didn't deserve more of anything, especially in light of all I've been given.

But I've been waking up to this world and noticing the people around me finally. Their comings and goings, ups and downs are no longer nonsense to me. Things are making sense to me now. We, humans, were made for our hearts to be knitted together with the hearts of others. And the heart, I'm learning, understands things the mind will never, ever know.

The heart feels, and I...I have been feeling a lot this week. A friend prayed for me...for more healing for me, and as she did, I had this faint fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I thought, "What is that? It's Am I going to cry?"

Not the kind of crying that stems from frustration. And not the kind of crying that comes from a deep sadness that only makes the wounded feel worse when the tears are gone. I'm talking about the tears that fall from an overwhelming sense of gratitude and relief that words simply cannot express.  

And yes, I did. I cried. Emotions I didn't think I had sprung to the surface of my heart for the first time in my life. I will be 40 this year, so to say that this ability to feel on such a deep level was a shock to me is a total understatement. But it is another testament to the Lord's ability to heal us as well as a reminder that we should not give up praying for our healing, regardless of our age or circumstance.

I saw people with new eyes after that moment. Like I stepped out of one world into another. And now I want more. More understanding. More love. More compassion. More of an ability to understand those around me. It is possible. All things are possible. Thank you, Jesus.

And thank You that by Your grace, we can come boldly before You and pray for more.


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