Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Part of the Trust

Last Sunday, while joking around with a friend who has cancer, I pointed to my watch and asked if he was counting down the minutes to the Super Bowl.

He unexpectedly said, "Nope. Don't wear a watch anymore. That's part of the trust."

Ever since he said that, I can't get it out of my mind. How many of us live by the clock? Minute after minute, hour after hour? How many people feel like failures if certain goals are not met by a certain age? Why do we do this? 

My friend is learning to live by a different standard. One that is not dictated by a calendar. He is trusting God to give him time. To be his time, even. 

I have to confess, milestones are a big issue in my life. Too big. I have achieved some of the same successes as my non-autistic peers, but much later in life. And it's the later in life part that has made me more than a little self-conscious. Except the focus on myself and not on the Lord has shaped me into a somewhat thankless person, as embarrassing as that is to say. I complain too much about being behind.

By admitting this quality about myself, I am sure to ruffle a few feathers. But this is how I operate. I like to shed light on my faults. This motivates me to change or to at least allow the Lord to refine me further, which is pretty much all I care about in life when it's all said and done.

I'm not ready to take a hammer to my watch, but I have taken it off and put it away. Healing comes in God's time. Answers to prayer come in God's time. All things come in God's time. Whatever you are praying for today, don't be discouraged. Don't be afraid. The Lord is with you, and He loves you.

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