Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Forgiving Myself

Sometimes, you just gotta get real with yourself. I need to do that today, but first...here's a little background information so my post makes some sense.

I moved out on my own, 700 miles away from the small farming community where I grew up, not long after my 18th birthday. But...I didn't know I had autism. I didn't know from that point on my life was going to mostly consist of failure.

There were never any run-ins with the law, but because of not being aware of living on the spectrum there were plenty of relationship disasters as well as financial ones. Keeping up with day to day living was not my specialty. And it showed in every area of my life which left me with a deep and persistent sense of shame.

I'm still dealing with that. I don't have the same difficulty with either life or people, but the past has a way of re-surfacing and poking its nose into the present. And that's just getting on my nerves. 

Refusing to forgive myself for something I had no control over (well, it's the same even if I did have control over my circumstances) is just as wrong as refusing to forgive anyone else who may have hurt me. And I really have no problem forgiving others. So, I'm going to work on this. It might take awhile. Hating myself for my mistakes might be a stronghold and they don't go away overnight. 

How about you? Are you holding a grudge against yourself? Feel free to share and ask for prayer, too, if you would like. Forgiveness is a huge healing agent.

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