Friday, July 18, 2014

Relationships & Autism

As detached as autistic people are sometimes supposed to be from others, the end of any relationship has always left me with heavy feelings of guilt and sadness. Even when I knew that relationship was pretty much doomed from the start. 

I almost hate to admit it, but personality wise, I am kind of an idealist. I see the way things can be but repeatedly fail to see things they way there are. Sometimes the way things are doesn't actually matter. God is a transformer. But that doesn't always mean He plans to transform the things I think ought to change.

Even so, I am in a new place in my life where the rashness and impulsiveness that used to dominate my mind are beginning to fade. I am also learning to factor in my emotions when making decisions. This is not easy because my feelings take awhile to surface, particularly after a painful experience. But they are there, and I am learning to make room for them. 

God has a sense of humor. Autism blocks emotional thought and expression. At least it did in my case. Now I've seen healing in that area, but I've since learned that feelings are complicated! That's okay, though. God gave us our emotions, and I treasure them. 

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