Saturday, July 5, 2014

The Problem with Perfectionism

Even before I opened my eyes this morning, I laid in bed half thinking and half dreaming of flaws. My flaws. All of my flaws. 

I was thinking of my last dog sitting stint and how the dog did fine but the plants didn't. And how I love to work hard all day just as long as I'm not doing the same thing everyday (thank you INFP personality), and what I do needs to have purpose. And I do not feel I am living in that purpose yet. 

And then there's lights. I leave them on all over the place. Then there's the part of me that isn't really sure if I am truly ready for the responsibilities I have been longing to take on precisely because I leave lights on all night all over the place and I let plants die.

But in all of that mental noise this morning, I remembered the only thing I need to do is to bring it all to the Cross. I can't will myself to be a better person. All I can do is die to myself, and as easy as that sounds, most of the time I think it's just plain hard. 

Regardless of my the dishes can wait and who cares if the morning paper hasn't been brought in for three days attitude, I keep thinking about destiny. For so long, I have been unrelentingly self-conscious about my weaknesses both related and not related to autism, but the truth is there's really no obstacle that can alter God's plans for us.

So whether it's rejection, your family history, a prison record, an illness, addiction--it doesn't matter. Before the Lord these things can be dealt with. He can be trusted to set us free. In His time. In His way. Being perfect has nothing to do with the equation of how we were ordained to live for Him. 
In fact, in His world, the more broken the better. 

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